s l o w me down

We were out for a walk yesterday to a familiar place we like to go, all of us, including the hubby.  It feels like it has been so long since we have done such simple pleasures together.  If I can say it plainly, it has been one heck of a year.  I feel tired.  Drained.  The winter was longer and colder than usual.  The move, the renovation, the husband's crazy, long work schedule.  All contributing factors.   Add to it all 4 children, home, all of the time.  I would be lying if I told you that it didn't cross my mind a number of times this past year month week to give in and send my kids to school.  After all, most kids go to school and they are sent by parents who love them very much.   We never planned to home school them forever.  We always said "one year at a time".  It provided us with relief for the anxiety of a long term commitment and it gave an answer to those questions that one gets asked when they choose the home education option.


I know home educating raises an eyebrow or two.  People can't quite
figure out why if there is already a system out there that is willing
to educate your children why not avail yourself of it. But it isn't
about what's easier for us.  It isn't about what is harder either. 
It's just a choice, a preference if you will.  I like having my
children close.  They are growing up so very quickly and soon enough
they will be living their own life apart from us.  I don't want to rush
that happening any faster than it will actually occur.


Now that it's May, our home school year is almost over and the discussion of education for the fall becomes a regular topic around the dinner table.  Everyone put their ideas forward while much later, after the children have gone to bed, the hubby and I continue our talk into the evening where we can converse freely and uninterrupted.  We re-evaluate our reasons for why we home educate and invariably our parenting philosophies play a huge part.   One of the first issues we deal with is how well our ideals match up with reality.  And this year, with all that has gone on, it feels like in some ways we lost our way.  Somewhere on the journey of trying to make a better life for our kids we've been too busy to journey through life with them.  I feel sad about it.


I think my kids deserve better.  I think I can do better.  I can find that happy place again.  I just know it.  I have to first quiet those nagging voices in my head, you know the ones that say "you've got too much on your plate", "you guys are busy", "the kids are old enough to go to school", "you should send them", "you went to school and you turned out okay", "you'll enjoy your parenting more if you don't have to spend so much time with them" ...yada, yada, yada.  Yeah, I know ...cluttered, unproductive thoughts that always seem to lead me away from how I want to parent.

just hanging around

I don't have any solid answers but I do know that it's been good to take stock again, sit quiet and re-think the things that we take for granted.  Like our children.  I love them, dearly.  Each one of them has added tremendously to my life in ways that I never thought possible.  They are full of life, joy and optimism.   In them I see so much hope.  It's because of them that I do what I do, home educate.  When we were out as a family it was so comforting being together.  This is where we need to be, this is where everything begins.  We are returning to recognizable patterns.  Walking, talking, listening and sharing.  Moments of us and them, uncomplicated by life around us...and oh how I've missed these times. 


  1. what a beautiful post!
    i totally understand you. i'm not homeschooling. my 3yo twin boys are of to kindergarten everyday till 1pm and the little one is at home. but he's turning 2 in august and he'll start soon. i so admire those that can be at home with their children. but i can't. it wouldn't be fair to anyone, because, well, as i said, i can't.
    i hope you'll find the strength and optimism to continue the way that is right for you, as a person, and for you all, as a family.

  2. Great post Tamara. Beautiful and from the heart ... just the way I like it.
    Whenever someone asks me about home schooling I tell them about you guys and what a great job you're doing (in fact I sent my cousin your way just this week).

  3. Trinsch, yes, we all have a path and we need to be true to it. Neither path
    is easier but today this is mine...not forever as some day they will grow
    I do find the homeschooling more challenging with the twins though. They
    are wired so differently than my boys in terms of listening and
    communication. They always hear each other first and me second. It is a
    real patience process for me and I hope as they age it will become easier.
    Thanks for your kind, encouraging words, it always appreciated.

  4. Monica,
    Thank you, I really do try to keep this blog light hearted. Real life is
    hard enough right? But once in a while things weigh heavier on my heart and
    it becomes therapeutic to write them down. It's quite another thing all
    together to post it though. Between Paul and I, I tend to hold my cards
    closer...cautiously sharing in this public venue. I suppose that is also a
    natural position for many bloggers. Having said all of that, there is also
    a time for everything...
    Thank you for your encouragement and for sending your cousin this way. :)

  5. From the tiny peek that I get from your life it looks like you are doing an awesome job. I think your approach to take it a day at a time is the right one. Your family went through a lot of change this year and maybe the summer will be a good time to reflect and re-gear. I also believe that we tend to be our own worst critics so don't feel discouraged in your path just because you think you could do better. What's that yodaism, do or do not? You are doing that's what matters and everything else will come together.

  6. Wise words Simone. I am feeling hopeful and know that this is a season in
    our life, however disruptive it has been. Life is still good in spite of
    the chaos. Here's to a good summer. Cheers :)


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