the day

it was that bad...

the kind of day where you have to give yourself over to it and lay down expectations because while in it, there is no reprieve.  Stay strong, stay steady I tell myself.  Not a mantra I've held to since the two of them joined our pack over 4 years ago.  How many times have I given in out of sheer exhaustion.  When you are outnumbered 4 to 1 choose your battles, so naturally I choose no battles.  In some ways I pay the price for that now.  Her will is like iron.  The 3rd of 4, she never lets go, ever.  But yesterday was one of those moments when I had to step up to the plate.

willfully sad

And so her favorite rabbit spent some time on top of the fridge.  I don't know who it hurt more, her or me as she nagged, whined, begged me to give her bunny back.  After awhile I began to lose sight of the original offense.  I felt myself wavering...  Oh my girl.  I love her so.  Even her strong willed ways can't shake how I feel about her.  She is all that entails loveliness and sweetness for her tender years.  And that strong will, it will save her in years to come and in time she will learn when to let it go.

take me away

At the end of a long night I sat down, spent, but thoughtful about the day.  When I'm ready I'll reach for a  good book and a glass of shiraz to wash it all away.  We will survive, make it through another day and revisit this place of wills another day. 


  1. you buy books because of the cover art don't you!

  2. I hope tomorrow is better. I tell myself the same thing, being a strong independent child will mean a strong independent woman and that can't be a bad thing.

  3. Beautiful post. And what a wonderful book to sit down with and enjoy a glass of wine.

  4. funny girl LOL... And no I don't buy books for the cover art...though it does catch my eye. I can't remember if I received this particular book as a gift or not - it's been a awhile. I started reading it at the old house, got half way through and then terribly interrupted by life (the moving/reno saga). I ran across a preview that has the movie coming out in August and decided I should finish the book... so I started it again after I found it in a box with many other loved books.

  5. I never really drank coffee until I had children - now I'm an avid coffee drinker...always wanted to be a mum, but never thought it would be both the most rewarding and challenging job out there.
    Lovely post.

  6. Loved your heart-touching way of describing your day. Our oldest has an iron will and she challenges me constantly... and she is only 4.

  7. Hi, new to your blog, mum to a pair of twin girls -3 and their bigger sister almost 10.
    One of mine has that stubbornness and certainty of purpose, of HER purpose and no-one else's. Her emotions are set to extreme, she's either deliriously happy and literally bouncing off the walls or she's an enraged pitbull executing tackles and thumping her sister like pro . If reprimanded too harshly/unfairly she's a crushed little thing. She can totally melt hearts with her dimples and light up the room with her smile..and when she is happy her body seems to zing right down to her toes. She is thoroughly exhausting for everyone and even though she is probably the guilty party in most disputes I find myself very protective of her. She's smart, she's cuddly, she tries SO hard to please. I keep thinking that she especially needs me in her corner in a different way to my other daughters... somebody has to be in her corner sticking up for her and if it isn't me there might not be anyone else. She is going to find it tough out there in the big world where banging her head on the wall isn't ever going to get her what she wants.
    And at the end of many a day- I sit down with my glass of cab sav overwhelmed with my love for her- "the difficult" one. i would never has guessed it would turn out this way. Good to know other mother's share these feelings.

  8. loved reading this! i recognize your thoughts and emotions so well. and i absolutely relate to avoiding the battles thereby feeling i have made life hard to myself. and i'm only outnumbered 3:1.
    that glass of wine and a book...i hope you got around to it, cause you sure deserve it, homeschooling mother of four.

  9. I can totally relate! I have 2 that are relentless! The wine and a book are my answer to a day that was seemly endless. I hope you enjoyed your moment of calm.
    My Dana has been dramatic and relentless for 12 years and we have days still. What seems like a negative quality now you will see turning into qualities of leadership. It speaks of a depth of feeling that is usually profound-one that will move mountains!!

  10. Hello You!
    Wow, what a great blog!
    I don't remember if I told you or not, but both of my boys are adopted. The significance of this being....for the first 18 months of my older sons life I never admitted: frustration, fatigue, or difficulty. Overwhelmed with the greatness of this gift I needed to be the perfect mom. I felt I had belly ached so long for children, that I had better enjoy every second. (or at least appear to!)
    Yesterday, I became 'that mother who yells at her child in the parking lot of the grocery store'. Tonight, at 3am, he woke up crying....telling me...'Mama..I am a good boy'.
    As I am now up doing my 'bad mother' penance...I came across your words and realize...I am not undeserving ...just real. Tomorrow...I will try harder to be more patient.

  11. Kate,
    The next day was much better and yes you are so very right.

  12. Patty-jean,
    I make myself one very strong cup of coffee in the morning, it helps with the battery of requests/demands from the kidlets in the morning. How true when you say it is both rewarding and challenging. Thanks for the encouragement.

  13. Rose,
    That iron will is a common thing amongst families and 4 year olds ;)

  14. Hi Corina,
    I love how the blogging community brings us mothers together to let us know we are not alone. Twins are a challenge at any given time that's for sure. Your daughter sounds like she has the perfect mother for her particular needs and I'm sure you will lavish on her just the right love and correction and through you your other children will learn to appreciate her and each other. Good job mumma and thanks for stopping by.

  15. Trinsch,
    3:1 or 4:1 lets face it, we mothers are a outnumbered, out-energied group of people.
    I did indulge myself with that book and glass of wine. It was oh so lovely and I highly recommend it, when the house is quiet of course.

  16. Hi Karen,
    Oh I did enjoy that moment of calm so very much. As for the relentless child I do believe you are right, one day she will move mountains. So happy to know I am not in this alone.

  17. Hi Wendie O,
    I don't think you did tell me about your boys.
    Those are hard moments you speak of and whether deserving or not we can be so very hard on ourselves in our shortcomings. I love the part where you will "try harder to be more patient." It's a good mantra and sometimes the only sane response to a difficult day.
    I can tell that you already have a heart of gold so be gentle with your mumma penance. xxx


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