summer rituals and finding a new rhythym

we ride as a family almost every evening enjoying the trails. exploring new areas and paths being paved around our home. Our goal is to have some good ol' bike ride fun, but with that we find a common way to be together as family, a way to engage each of us.

I've been having a paralyzing fear of my kids growing up for the past while. It's happening right before my eyes and I can't seem to slow them down. I vacillate between my longing for those earlier years when days blurred into each other and it felt like those "baby-days" would never end and the reality of where we are today.The transition is both hard and wonderful as I watch my not so wee ones grow into strong, independent persons. My thoughts wander: where do I fit in now? is my job done?

Surely not with 7 year olds, teens & pre-teens still roaming the house. My role has simply changed and finding my groove is not so easy. Then again I am not alone, we are all changing. The eldest one is now a man cub, almost as tall as me at 5'10 ~ well maybe a few more inches to go. He has gone through the most transition this past year. His interests have taken him away from his world of physical imagination play to more adult like mimicking and conversation. It's been expected but at the same time hard on the others. They long for their "leader" to play again like he did once before. To lead them on an adventure filled with magic, monsters and villans. I see their broken heart and it breaks mine. I feel sad for the ones left behind but recognize the inevitability of it. As the youngest of 13, I understand all to well being left behind while others move on, it's a lonely road.

This is where we are right now, navigating a new phase. We are still a family, changing and finding a new rhythym and new ways to express our togetherness. Hoping ultimately that we will embrace it with grace and enjoy the ride.