1.12.2011

the big picture

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That's a lot of days and a lot of photos. I'm still going strong 12 days in, though I admit if I look to far in advance the task seems sort of daunting. How the heck am I going to feel that inspired? What am I going to photograph? All these questions are swirling in my head and then I stop and realize that this is really only going to work if I just take it one day at a time. Live in the moment. Enjoy the moment. Slow down and notice the mundane moments of my day and try to make sense of them through the lens.

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Easier said then done, but I need the practice. I need to learn to live in the moment again. It's something I've forgotten how to do. Renovating requires a constant planning mode, a futuristic thinking and well, that's where I've been for the past two years. Thinking and planning, thinking about the next step, planning the next project, always ahead. Quite honestly, it's exhausting. It's a full time job and at the end of day I feel creatively empty.

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Before we began this renovating adventure, I was good at the now. I was in the moment and in it with the kids too. If they needed me I was there, if they wanted to journey out we did it. Now they know a mumma who says more often then she likes: "not right now" or "maybe another day". My kids don't say it, but I will: "I'm not sure I even like that mumma". *sigh*

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I know looking at the past is a huge big trap. It doesn't lend itself to making peace with todays struggles, it's a let down in general. I guess mostly I need to make peace with today, with the remainder of the work that lies ahead and the planning that will be required. Things are beginning to come together and for that I am so grateful. I won't always be stuck in this place and ultimately the changes we've made are for our family - the big picture. Yes, the big picture.

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I'm not really that great at putting myself out there and right now I'm tempted to hit delete as I so often have during the summer months. I'm an inward processor and most of my thinking happens quietly, I like to suffer quietly too. But today I feel a bit melancholic and brave; I'm sharing it with you. Be gentle on me, this heart is tired.

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:: all photos are from my 365 series, you can head over there to catch a brief write up on each photo ::

2 comments:

  1. sharing can sometimes help to get in a better mood, so don't delete :-)
    I wish you good days and lots of success with renovating and with your family, and loads of time... :-)
    love your pictures!

    ReplyDelete
  2. good advice Kristina, thanks, I need all the luck and good vibes I can get!

    ReplyDelete

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